Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Would you be upset if chickens colored placentas and put them in a basket with candy and toys?.........

   If at first you don't succeed, mabey sky diving wasn't meant for you.

   just small town girl, living in a lonely world. Took the midnight train goin' anywhere.

   *When I m Studying parents dont see.When I takes a break parents- "why dont I ever see you study?"

   wondering if #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2

   pouring a little liquor out for 2 Pacs birthday today...in my mouth.

   Mother Earth will soon die. We still have the universe. :D

   O Friday, O Friday! wherefore art thou Friday? Deny thy other weekday

   going to build an ark for the events thats going to happen on 21/12/2012, I can take the 1st 100 people, Early Bird Tickets come on sale 21/12/2011, make me an offer before you miss out

   pu ton your yalmulka, here comes hanukkah, it's so funukkah to celebrate hanukkah!

   in front of his home with every electric fan he owns blowing upward, in a defiant act against Mother Nature.....Enough with the snow lady, just go watch "The Waltons" reruns until Spring......

     Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!!!

   the man your man could smell like.

   A blonde filled out an application form. It said "sex" and options were "male" n "female". She crossed them both off and wrote "Lots"

   was doing 75 MPH in his rented diesel Chevette when I was pulled over by a Chip. Was I speeding? I asked. Not really, I just wanted to know how you got it going that fast. FML

   Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people.

   If you think that a mustache is what made Mr. Potato Head gender specific, you've never met my cousin Vincenza.

   I am starting a GoFundMe to buy popcorn tomorrow night at the movies

   This Jesus guy, no wonder women worship him. How long has it taken his 2nd coming?

   The best line which helps in saving money when going on dinner with ur wife : bol kya khayegi.... MOTI