Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Michael J. Fox's new television show is getting some real shakey reviews

   To all you dumbasses who don't like my post... I don't like yours either!!!.

   pissed! I open my m&m's and every one of them were Ws, I mean seriously?.. I should sue!

   I probably should stop talking about how dumb my dog is considering he’s been homeschooled his whole life.

   The Astros are world series champs. And Dodgers dodge having to go to white house. So who's the real winner.

   The Denver Broncos today announced Al Bundy as their new starting Quarterback.

   I eat p~55y with the same enthusiasm as Pooh Bear facef@(ks jars of honey.

   Take down statues and history and I’ll take down the George Floyd memorial wall. - God

   Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.

   If history repeats itself........I'd like to buy myself a dinosaur....

   I checked with Kelly Blue Book to see how much my car was worth. They asked if the gas tank was full or empty.

   breaking news... sorry folks, christmas has been cancelled due to santa being fired for asking a girl if she had been naughty or nice...

   No seriously if Obama really cant work Playstation & Xbox's we have a real problem!!

   says Happy Christmas to all Canadians and Marry Hanukkah to my fellow Americans.

   "Hey, what's up?" "Gas prices." "You know what I mean, like.. What's crackin'?" "Nutshells." "Really? Fine. What's poppin'?" "Corn."

   why only VALENTINES DAY for the 1 you love the most..why it can't be 24/7, 365 days a year !!

   A little league baseball coach got busted for molesting his 8-year-old players. What the hell? I was in little league. No one even tried to molest me. What was wrong with me? Was I not good lookin enough?

   Michael jackson hasnt been this stiff since Mucully Culkin spent the night at Neverland ranch..

   i feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket orrrrr something!!!!

   Im so FU***ing tired of this snow that I just ripped all of my kids possessions (books , Comforters etc) that have any type of reference to SNOW WHITE... yeah..F**ck her too!