Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
On this Thanksgiving I am thankful to all of your post that make me look funny on Facebook. 
wondering if she left the gas on ....and the lighter on
eating pasta with chopsticks.
"having a smoking section in a restaurant should b like having a peeing section in a swimming pool......." right??
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
I don’t think this is talked about enough but Airbnbs have led to there being too many cushions in the world.
PSA: Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they still fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
bad news
When I arrive some place, I will sit in my car an just listen n wait for a favorite song to end. :D like this if you do the same!
Obama says... It would be very helpful to me if the rest of you would please stop striving for excellence.
:The sign above my office door reads "Dr. J. Smith - The rapist". It's kinda funny 'cause most women who visit my office enquire about the typo. Many limp out realising there isn't one.
Newt Gingrich says gays can't marry because 'marriage is sacred.' Oh, & every 12 years or so, Newt's needed some new sacred.
Jesus walks into a bar: Orders 12 waters... Winks at disciples....
To everyone who take time to "Like" my status the very minute I post my status, Get a life and get off the facebook
For all those calling for Fathers Day to be called Special Person's day, you already have a day of your own. It's April 1st.
Rumor has it that the staff at Mar-a-Lago caught Melania trying to flush her prenup down the toilet too.
It was a perfect call! To prove it, let's block all witnesses and ignore all subpoenas.
If you could cross a centipede with a turkey you would have enough turkey legs for everyone.
Since he likes to shut things down, why doesn't he shutdown the shutdown ?
Anybody know the phone number where I can buy a couple of those Nigerian girls? 