Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sticking your hand up in the air, and looking at it for no reason while you're lying in bed

   Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too...

   Please stand on your head now. Hurry. 370HSSV 0773H

   You can't change ONE second of the past , and who knows what tomorrow will bring but today is the present , and presents are gifts we should all cherish !!

   SMH... you don't know which head I'm talking about now do you.

   GRAPEVINE??? lol Noooope I heard it through FACEBOOK lololol

   They call me Mr. Coffee, cause I grind so fine!!!

   America is always on about having a black president… but ours use to be Brown but we didn't boast.

   stealing mannequin legs -- the make great stocking stuffers.

   ALCOHOL- Helping the beautiful horny people finding then waking up to ugly people since 33'.

   Today is the shortest day of the year. Can't wait for tomorrow when the days begin to get longer once again!

   The only thing I won't eat for breakfast is lunch and supper!

   Trapped in a mine in New Zealand... Shouldn't be too bad. ...If you can avoid the orcs, trolls and the gigantic Balrog.

   hates it when old relatives come up to you at weddings and say, "You'll be next, dear". I'm sure they wouldn't be too impressed if I started saying that to them at funerals.

   playing fetch with his Chia Pet.

   On a Highway To Hell.

   On the Tim Hortons roll up, "please play again" ..I scribbled it out and returned it to the manager, replacing it with "please let me win" she gave me back my cup and hit the red button.."YOU'RE A WINNER" then she said "NOT!" and laughed at me!

   Happy National Surprise Random Drug Test Day!

   Pick a number, double it, add 10, divide it by 2, then minus it by the number you started with. LIKE if you got 5.

   You say potato, I say Rocky Dennison.