Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Lord give me strength to deal with these A$$hole$ or this Louisville Slugger will!

   so everyone's so captivated in changing and updating their online status nowadays.. how about trying to update your "Actual" social status where friends can like you in real life for you, than for your imaginary egotistic thoughts about your life.

   Cha cha cha cha ......... kah kah kah kah kah ............... cha cha cha cha cha ............... kah kah kah kah kah! Mrs. Voorhees the original psycho mom!

   Release the Kraken !!!!!!

   I am about 9 inches long, You use me every day, I do all the work for you, and I make you happy. What am i? You pervert... I am a TV remote.

   You know you live with a nerd when you pick a motherboard off of a closet shelf.

   Mr. Kevorkian: Lifes a fragile thing. one minute your chewing on a burger, the next minute your dead meat...

   I like my coffee like I like my women .Strong, sweet & hot :)

   actively hunting down the Killer of his Ex-Girlfriend for the last Few Years, and it's harder than Initially Thought: Nobody Wants to Do It!! :-/

   Hey on LifeTime channel it is incest week! CHeck it out..

   Sticking your hand up in the air, and looking at it for no reason while you're lying in bed

   Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too...

   Please stand on your head now. Hurry. 370HSSV 0773H

   You can't change ONE second of the past , and who knows what tomorrow will bring but today is the present , and presents are gifts we should all cherish !!

   SMH... you don't know which head I'm talking about now do you.

   GRAPEVINE??? lol Noooope I heard it through FACEBOOK lololol

   They call me Mr. Coffee, cause I grind so fine!!!

   America is always on about having a black president… but ours use to be Brown but we didn't boast.

   stealing mannequin legs -- the make great stocking stuffers.

   ALCOHOL- Helping the beautiful horny people finding then waking up to ugly people since 33'.