Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We don't have to go to church - lets stay in bed and have our own religious experience.

   Who says I want a better view of her heart you moron, when I unbutton her shirt, the only view I am interested in is of her magnificent twins.

   last night the ghost of Gloria gaynor oke me from my sleep.....at first I was afraid I was petrified

   ICEBERGS: Ha ha!.. We just sunk the Titanic... HUMANS: Oh yeah?... We'll show you. . We'll show ALL you!... *starts global warming

   Wonder if young Sheldon was attracted to little boys at that age?

   Whitesplaining: To paternalistically lecture people of color as to what is and isn't racism which ironically reveals racism.

   Today is nation Sloth day, it should of been yesterday, but they didn't get around to it.

   My son came running back from school waving a paper in his hand. Daddy, Daddy. Look! I got a B in my reading test! That’s a D you idiot.

   You know we took a wrong turn somewhere when the first thing that comes to mind is the confederate flag, when we think of Texas.

   *Will trump list the people on welfare or social services as dependents on his tax form

   Lord give me strength to deal with these A$$hole$ or this Louisville Slugger will!

   so everyone's so captivated in changing and updating their online status nowadays.. how about trying to update your "Actual" social status where friends can like you in real life for you, than for your imaginary egotistic thoughts about your life.

   Cha cha cha cha ......... kah kah kah kah kah ............... cha cha cha cha cha ............... kah kah kah kah kah! Mrs. Voorhees the original psycho mom!

   Release the Kraken !!!!!!

   I am about 9 inches long, You use me every day, I do all the work for you, and I make you happy. What am i? You pervert... I am a TV remote.

   You know you live with a nerd when you pick a motherboard off of a closet shelf.

   Mr. Kevorkian: Lifes a fragile thing. one minute your chewing on a burger, the next minute your dead meat...

   I like my coffee like I like my women .Strong, sweet & hot :)

   actively hunting down the Killer of his Ex-Girlfriend for the last Few Years, and it's harder than Initially Thought: Nobody Wants to Do It!! :-/

   Hey on LifeTime channel it is incest week! CHeck it out..