Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you know anyone who's mute and has a neck brace, ask them as many yes or no questions as possible.

   Adults Only!!!! BRA AND BAR... <Both have same letters of the alphabet <Both are drinking zones <Both have restricted times for opening and closing <But when opened,both make men crazy. CHEERS!

   Today I feel like hitting free like to everyone post. Common everyone post something!!! This offer is about to end soon

   I feel like pulling a Joan wilder and out drinking a Sot in Cartagena.... anybody? Chirp chirp chirp... crickets really?

   as my dad always told me when I did something wrong: I will kill you with the help of the thing that I used to make you with!

   There is a new movie out about the lives of White Trash people, but I've only seen the trailer.

   I just miss being able to slam it down when upset with someone. ..so they could hear it slam.

   The reason they named it the "Xbox One" is they knew that it would be the only way they would hear "Xbox Won" Might as well rename it the "Xbox Done"

   I really just want Morgan Freeman to read me bedtime stories.

   I'd play Monopoly but I am afraid of the commitment...

   I don't want chicken. I want Manicotti. Manicotti-fil-A. Now we're talkin'.

   strange, I dont remember eating dental floss

   What do you get if you cross a dog, a mini skirt & crotchless pants? I know I'd get an erection & it's a safe bet the dog's getting it too.

   I'm single by choice. Not my choice. Women's choice.

   glad to see today was set aside for all the skanks out there. Happy National Dog Day!!

   Today on Egypt news TV: Morgan Freeman reported as dead....... DNA discovers the missing link to Lazareth

   Sometimes reasoning with people is like a cat trying to bury a turd under a concrete tile floor!

   At least Facebook goes down on me!

   Happy alentines ay: for those who wont be getting the V or the D.

   I swear! If I hear the word 'Pope' again my head will pope...