Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't want chicken. I want Manicotti. Manicotti-fil-A. Now we're talkin'.

   strange, I dont remember eating dental floss

   What do you get if you cross a dog, a mini skirt & crotchless pants? I know I'd get an erection & it's a safe bet the dog's getting it too.

   I'm single by choice. Not my choice. Women's choice.

   glad to see today was set aside for all the skanks out there. Happy National Dog Day!!

   Today on Egypt news TV: Morgan Freeman reported as dead....... DNA discovers the missing link to Lazareth

   Sometimes reasoning with people is like a cat trying to bury a turd under a concrete tile floor!

   At least Facebook goes down on me!

   Happy alentines ay: for those who wont be getting the V or the D.

   I swear! If I hear the word 'Pope' again my head will pope...

   So did the pope sign with the cardinals" I'm confused..whos the pope anyways" was he even in the combine this year?

   ‎(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Mondays

   A dental assistant is nothing more than a dentist's roadie

   The phone company Virgin Mobile pretty much gives its satisfaction rate just by its name

   I'd call you a cun t, but I actually like cun ts.

   End of the world headlines... National Enquirer: O.J. and Nicole, together again

   Just thinking about how Notre Dame and most married men have a lot in common. How you ask, Bpth are always trying to score but not making it to the endzone often enough!!

   Dear Abby dies. Ann Landers annouces she was really just an imaginary twin...

   FYI: Always go through the opposite way of the Drive-Thru at McDonalds. A few waiting will throw enough bags of free food that will last for week!!!!

   pick up line of the day: thank you for being absolutely beautiful.