Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My Futon pulls out, but I dont

   Coffee so strong I see noises.

   I don't like a sentence containing a word with first Capital letter in the middle of it. It has a clear bias.

   If the only text you receive all day is from your phone company saying that you've exhausted your data for the month, you ugly.

   We are compensating for Global Warming by leaving the caps on plastic bottles...

   if you can`t beat them...get some duct tape,rope,and a tazor >:3

   I would say Happy Thanksgiving but no one cares cuz they're hungover

   YOU Can't even Understand Normal Thinking

   happy CAPS LOCK DAY

   the orginal Peanut Butter Twix was so much better than the newer PB Twix.

   You do the work of three people......Larry, Moe and Curly.

   Driving while snappin in to a slimjim is a bad idea....

   That fire we once had is now embers

   You will never hear me say things like "I would never wish it upon my worst enemy", hell if you are my worst enemy I would wish it upon you ten-fold.

   I can't wait for the next Daniel Radcliffe movie, where he will play "the guy played by the kid who used to be Harry Potter in this new movie that no one will see."

   Good Mornin! Thanking The Man Upstairs For Waking Me Another Day..NVM It Was His Dang Kids Runnin nd Jumpin Being Hella Loud All Morning!

   look into my eyes, now sleep, sleep.....sleeep, so I can steal your pop-tarts

   You're Profile Picture had me at Hello... as in Hello, Report/Block, Goodbye that's a Fake Profile B*tch!"

   no those jeans don't make your a55 look big...it's your a55 that make those jeans look small.

   A teacher told me about a growing trend in the younger grades: banning erasers from class, so kids don't have to feel like they're wrong.