Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I remember "The Simpsons" episode when Homer won a Grammy, then threw it into a dumpster. A bum picked it up, and even he didn't want it.

   Hey Auto-Correct,,, The intensive porpoises are here.. They say you have something for them.. Yes, all of them

   I'm still trying to figure out my wife's logic from an argument we had in 2003.

   So how did the Indians get home from work on snowy days before the white man came and built the roads?

   He thinks taking a selfie is going to the bathroom.

   If you're provoked by the slightest of the sly remark, you must visit a therapist before logging on to Facebook.

   go to google translate select language German to German and paste this pv zk pv pv zk pv zk kz zk pv pv pv zk pv zk zk pzk pzk pvzkpkzvpvzk kkkkkk bsch select the audio translation....

   Ladies; If your cat dont like him he aint da one.

   On a scale of P0rn hub to The Notebook, how romantic are you?

   I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Oscar was on his stumps.

   My wife just had my tubes tied, and now She's become........inconceivable.

   I was watching the gay scene on Game Of Thrones and my dad walked in on me... and immediately walked back out.. Now, he won't even make eye contact with me.

   Lacrosse...when it comes to sports, you are one big h0m0. I meant that in a nice way.

   You may say I'm addicted to Facebook but I prefer to call it my second childhood...

   Sepp Blatter is being investigated by FBI regarding his illicit relationship with Bruce Jenner.

   I wear running shoes so I look like I'm going places.

   Cluelessness in dogs is cute but not so much in human beings.

   The deep freeze of winter has finally arrived. It's that time of year when most women and Bruce Jenner say thank God for padded bras.

   'm trying to learn to be a Magician.. But I have a question. Is it pulling a rabbit out of a hat or a hat out of the rabbit ?

   Watching and playing video games is probably my favorite holiday thing.