Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In the spirit of the season Miley Cyrus has announced her plans for a television special where she will twerk to all of Bing Crosby’s holiday classics. NOW it feels like Christmas!!!

   2014 is so close I can almost taste the lips I will not be kissing on New Year's Eve

   I will try anything once, but I won't try that. Meatloaf at a salad bar, probably.

   since New Years is on a hump day (Wednesday) maybe this will be the year I get a lo of humping

   It's so cold you'd rather listen to Bieber than walk outside

   2 hours ago · WOW... I think Easter is getting here earlier and earlier....apparently I missed Justin Bieber's neighborhood egg hunt.

   Sorry but I need a moment to myself guys. The girl I have been stalking but too chicken sh*t to ask out has just changed her relationship status to "in a relationship"

   You can't hang around trifling people, you will begin to think it's normal if you have nothing else to compare it to

   "What is an alcoholic Candadian woman with no talent, Alex"

   Romance Tip: Throw a boom box through a girls window

   I remember "The Simpsons" episode when Homer won a Grammy, then threw it into a dumpster. A bum picked it up, and even he didn't want it.

   Hey Auto-Correct,,, The intensive porpoises are here.. They say you have something for them.. Yes, all of them

   I'm still trying to figure out my wife's logic from an argument we had in 2003.

   So how did the Indians get home from work on snowy days before the white man came and built the roads?

   He thinks taking a selfie is going to the bathroom.

   If you're provoked by the slightest of the sly remark, you must visit a therapist before logging on to Facebook.

   go to google translate select language German to German and paste this pv zk pv pv zk pv zk kz zk pv pv pv zk pv zk zk pzk pzk pvzkpkzvpvzk kkkkkk bsch select the audio translation....

   Ladies; If your cat dont like him he aint da one.

   On a scale of P0rn hub to The Notebook, how romantic are you?

   I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Oscar was on his stumps.