Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There are 3 types of women: Those you cant live without, those you can’t live with and those you live with.

   why you hasselhoffing your stomach in that photo dude!

   A woman asking you to make her feel like the only girl in the world is basically asking you to become a serial killer and murder all the other women in the world.

   Don't quite get it when guys don't understand why a woman feels relieved when she takes her bra off... Let's see them under-wire their bad boys to their hips for a day.

   I got drunk and put Icy Hot on my balls once. Can't recommend it...

   Nothing screams self conceited little b itch like opening a second Facebook account because you have reached maximum number of friends when you are not even a celebrity.

   Been trying to write a romantic poem for hours, but so far all I have is "a55 rocket".

   and the general privates stood at attention......

   If you're reading this "send money"!!!!!!

   Just dropped and cracked my iPhone. Obviously that's a sign that God wants me to upgrade.

   Bud, try using a tampon to keep those pathetic "missing you" emotions from flowing out of your mangina

   My is coffee is broken. I added red bull and a five hour energy shot. I can now hear what my hair is thinking.

   you always know who's not from NY when they are dressed like Eskimos on a day like today

   a great way to get over someone: plan ahead. Make a list of their faults so if you breakup you can console yourself with their many weaknesses.

   Love and Alcohol are same... Once tasted, you can never stay away from them !!!!!

   I'll bet the best part of being a cat is not knowing what the internet is.

   Ok, I know all of you have been sitting on the edge of your seats today waiting for this news....... I had Domino's pizza for dinner.... Don't be hatin! Sometimes ya gotta spoil yourself.

   Dear Woman who is wearing jeans with a huge hole near the crotch. Yes I understand that is fashionable, just not in the office…. unless you are smoking hot…

   i hope the next thing they spell is "the end"

   ‎"Metrosexuality... Is the end to sexuality as we know it." - Homer Simpson.