Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Want my opinion fine don't get mad when you hear what I say, if you want something sugar coated...eat a doughnut!!

   I'm a member of the CSI - “Can't. Stand. Idiots.”

   As a kid, did you ever see Santa claw himself down the chimney and make fun of your pyjamas? My shrink claims it never happened!

   When you take something for granted you risk losing it. When I finally find my Smart ph, I'm telling it how much I love it..!!

   If men never decided to overlook the emotional craziness of women, humans would become extinct.

   Call Me. I can't wait to tell you about my vow of silence!

   My vet has more hair coming out of his ears than my dog. Pretty rad.

   Just came across a Hannah Minx video on Youtube....Looks like I'm gonna be spending alot of time learning Japanese.

   Thank you Facebook. If not for you, I would be jealous of my friends thinking their life isnt boring.

   The Mayweather and Cotto fight looks like a promotion for Verizon and T-Mobile.

   I was told to seek help today,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Fair enough,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, help

   Imagine yourself watching Storage Wars or Auction Hunters on TV thinking to yourself that stuff looks familiar then saying oh wait that's my sh/t !!

   Like if you remember the cereal called "freakies" ...google if you don't ..gotta love the 70's

   a riddle inside an enigma, wrapped in a warm flour tortilla.

   Most of my longest relationships have been with deep dish pizzas.

   Be careful and take this status update with you.

   just poured a glass

   Even grudges have feelings. They like it when you hold them.

   It might be HOT but at least there's no BREEZE...

   I can tell by your weight you have a really great personality.