Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My family knows how dangerous my cooking is. Why else would grace last 45 minutes?
←Rate | 03-08-2012 20:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife elizabeth wants me to take her out tonite to take her mind of her anorexia . . . . . I'm taking her to see thin lizzy
←Rate | 03-10-2012 10:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I loved the game kerplunk. Now I play everyday with the insane amt of clutter in my house
←Rate | 03-13-2012 23:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon gets annoyed now when I have to tell a story...duh, I know you saw my status about it already.
←Rate | 03-15-2012 19:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never compliment a girl on Twitter, she'll reTweet it and make you look thirsty.
←Rate | 03-21-2012 12:00 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon True Story-apparently Iraq has there own version of Punk'd called "Put Him in Bucca" where fake bombs were planted in celebrities cars and they were threatened with death and prison.
←Rate | 03-22-2012 13:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That scary moment when you get home from work to an empty and deserted house and realize that maybe her “I am running away with my boss” speech wasn't an April Fool's joke.
←Rate | 04-02-2012 15:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a dollar for every time a woman called me a jerk, I'd buy an iPad.
←Rate | 04-16-2012 15:45 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most exquisite pleasure is giving pleasure to someone you love.
←Rate | 04-17-2012 14:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon believe it, first Kiss is MORE memorable than losing virginity...
←Rate | 02-02-2012 10:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon not always a big fan of the story God is using us to tell.... but has to admit He isn't afraid to kill off major characters.
←Rate | 02-07-2012 15:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when people say "f°°k this s°°t" is that really a command?
←Rate | 02-07-2012 16:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want a reinvented baby time machine...where can I buy one?
←Rate | 02-09-2012 19:02 by HeidiAlmighty Comments (0)  


   messageicon sending cards to random people today saying "I'm going to f*** you so bad"...They're not going to know if I'm horny of mafia type!
←Rate | 02-14-2012 13:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even if you try and slip it in, they still know it's coming
←Rate | 02-15-2012 10:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if the storage wars guyz priced hoarders stuff....well...helloooo mr rockefeller..cha ching
←Rate | 02-15-2012 15:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only need to learn that one yoga pose where I can tweet from a public bathroom without bare skin touching anything.
←Rate | 02-16-2012 20:56 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ate all my girl scout cookies : ( , roughly the weight of two girl scouts.......
←Rate | 02-23-2012 21:37 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon since mens undershirts are called wife beaters, women should call their brasseirs nut crackers
←Rate | 02-25-2012 20:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can see the newest Jimmy Johns commercial now. Dale Jr. having a sandwich delivered while standing on the track waiting to go back racing.
←Rate | 02-27-2012 23:27 by bruce cronk98 Comments (0)  




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