Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a snuggie made out of shamwow material.

   Making use of that ''YOU AND so an so'' button. I think It's fun commenting on a status my friend updated last year. That's a good one facebook.

   texting with Jenn Sterger.

   can't be bothered going to his Apathy Support Group today...

   I wish I had a time machine so I could go back in time and kick my own butt!

   now that you spent all your money on Black Friday Now what?

   I heard your story and wanted to remind you that a sea bearing vessel loaded with male cattle is called a . . . BULLSHIP!

   My first day of fantasy camp turned out to be my last when I found out the "Jugs Machine" wasn't what I envisioned at all.

   After an object has been assembled, theres always extra components will be found on the bench.

   I wonder if people, who actually think they can danceq.. Have ever watched themselves dance in front of the mirror naked... I bet their minds would change in a heartbeat!

   Hackers used to have skill. Now it just means someone who found a Facebook account that wasn't logged out.

   They are out hunting Duck at the protective wildlife refuge. Who is protected me or the wildlife?

   I wish there was a way to convert my skill at playing drums on the steering wheel into friends or happiness.

   When you enter a relationship, it's as if you sign a contract that says, “I give you 70% of my feelings. I acknowledge that you can play with them, make them feel good, and I also acknowledge that you can freaking destroy them.”

   Inspire others by inspiring yourself.

   Mmmmm, Thanksgiving leftovers for breakfast. Babe, can you pour more gravy on the green meat please?

   Studying for a class sucks, but, not nearly as hard as failing that class

   "That wasn't eggnog!" is a popular thing to yell this time of year, but I'm trying real hard not to yell it much.

   I don't wanna be presumptuous, but I think this Sandra Fluke chick just might be the love of my weekend. Now, if she'd only return my phone calls...

   I admit I am hot, but don't blame me for global warming.