Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Trying to watch Ellen but the picture is shaky. Pisses me off because Michael J Fox is on today, and I like him.

   Did you hear that there's a "no fly" zone over San Diego on Sunday...... a huge lightning storm is coming....... grounding all "Jets"......GO BOLTS!!!

   One of the stars of Borat 2 is under investigation for possible criminal activity at the direction of a Home Alone 2 cast member.

   went into a elementary school and told the kids santa isnt real

   Maybe you thought it was black ice because you are stupid?

   Women have special powers. They get wet with out water, They bleed with out injury, They make boneless meat get hard, and make men eat with out cooking

   wonders if it's a coincidence that "Consider Christianity Week" (Mar 21-27) coincided with "World Folk Tales and Fables Week" (Mar 22-28)

   Welcome to another episode of Am I Dying or Just Really Tired?

   I just found out Donald Trump is actually vaccinated. What's up with that!? What a traitor!

   I think McGlovin and Obama got their ID at the same place

   Jesus can walk on water. Humans are 75% water. I can walk on humans. Therefore, I am 75% Jesus,

   I haven't received one single greetings card from an Ethiopian . . . . . Do they know its Christmas???

   When you say Jesus backwards it sounds just like "sausage."

   hacked your Facebook

   Below freezing weather in every state this week, Egypt gets snow, republicans and doubters owe Al Gore an apology regarding climate change, don't they?

   10 black men are the equivalent of 1 white man

   Thank you Jesus for dying today... Made my commute to work so much easier

   We know this an American s ite and all, but enough with the Superbowl jokes already. Jesus Christ!!!!!

   Copy this into your status and see what people rate you! 1=Crazy. 2=I'd marry you. 3=Talkative. 4=Sarcastic. 5=Bangable. 6=Clubhead. 7=Moody. 8=Dumb. 9=Spoilt. 10=Mouthy. 11=Random. 12=Hot. 13=Funny. 14=Fit. 15=Amazing. 16= Tough. 17=Cute. 18=GF/BF Type

   Parents who name their kids after celebrities from their youth are evil to date their children like that. Sincerely, Ringo Jagger