Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Welcome to another episode of Am I Dying or Just Really Tired?

   I just found out Donald Trump is actually vaccinated. What's up with that!? What a traitor!

   I think McGlovin and Obama got their ID at the same place

   Jesus can walk on water. Humans are 75% water. I can walk on humans. Therefore, I am 75% Jesus,

   I haven't received one single greetings card from an Ethiopian . . . . . Do they know its Christmas???

   When you say Jesus backwards it sounds just like "sausage."

   hacked your Facebook

   Below freezing weather in every state this week, Egypt gets snow, republicans and doubters owe Al Gore an apology regarding climate change, don't they?

   10 black men are the equivalent of 1 white man

   Thank you Jesus for dying today... Made my commute to work so much easier

   We know this an American s ite and all, but enough with the Superbowl jokes already. Jesus Christ!!!!!

   Copy this into your status and see what people rate you! 1=Crazy. 2=I'd marry you. 3=Talkative. 4=Sarcastic. 5=Bangable. 6=Clubhead. 7=Moody. 8=Dumb. 9=Spoilt. 10=Mouthy. 11=Random. 12=Hot. 13=Funny. 14=Fit. 15=Amazing. 16= Tough. 17=Cute. 18=GF/BF Type

   Parents who name their kids after celebrities from their youth are evil to date their children like that. Sincerely, Ringo Jagger

   ou all have nothing to worry about, Zombies only eat people that have brains.....

   Look, I don’t even trust myself so explain to me why in the hell I should trust you?

   you've got to walk through the door of uncertainty in order to get your punishment or reward,depending on how you look at it....

   I wish I were Gilbert Gottfried. He made it big from his only defining talent. The ability to squint for an hour.

   I put the you in murder!

   When I was young I was taught to fear and hate the devil. Now that I'm older and know better, His name is BeeR

   I just thought of something. The expression, "That's so 15 minutes ago" is so 15 minutes ago.