Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't always finish my sentences but when ido...

   I swear I was just eating a bowl of cheerios and I saw Tim Tbow's face

   Martain Luther King Jr. Bday now Muhammad Ali Bday somebody gonna ready this and turn red with hate

   Do you believe in gosh?

   I never even saw what we were running from...... She finally stop to catch her breath, so I tried to asked her what we was running from?......She yelled and took off running again, so I did too.

   Cows are a bit like Jesus, the only difference is they turn grass into milk.

   Posh Ginger Sporty Scary Baby... That's what would be the result if Prince Harry ever has a kid.

   Have you seen the latest stripper poll. 87% of them are skanks...

   hate it when I get stupid fortunes from a fortune cookie. I feel like I got cheated!

   "This page intentionally left blank" -phone bill, page 56

   not illiterate. His parents were married when he was born.

   ..because Chinese New Year and Valentines Day fall on the same day this year,i think i'll celebrate both with a takeaway! How romantic. Lol.

   Feel free to call me a Hottie.

   hyou're obviously too stupid to read back through all the wacko liberal posts of the last few days

   wanna know why that dog hangs his head out the car window,cause the drivers breath stinks ,...

   Do you know where I can score some nasal spray?

   If you ever want to see a woman crying or screaming, just turn on oxygen.

   ggwwhhaaannn wayne rooney spending £1300 on a 1 night stand with a hooker!! cant fault you bra, wha else can he spend his money on..

   They call me brown sugar because I'm so sweet!

   Nightmare George Michael been sent to prison his going to be busy in them showers ...