Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   all these bars are offering a drink special called "hurricane sandy" don't fall for it though it's just a watered down Manhattan...

   Hate mondays, annoy tuesdays, ignore wednesdays, smile thursdays, love fridays, enjoy saturdays, damn sundays.

   I'm so full of Love I poot out Heart shape bubbles...<3 <3 <3 <3

   The cool thing about Taco Bell's " 5 buck box " Is that if you time your eating right... As soon as your done, you can turn right around and use the box to make a Mexican " soft serve" in it......... I know,, what a green idea

   Son of a B*tch! Every time some one likes my status my computer freezes up. I am trying to read my newsfeed so knock it off already.

   Ebonics word for the day "mayonaise". Mayonaise alot of crackers up in here

   "Why does stuff like this always happen to me?" - gay passenger on Titanic

   going to watch the Tom Brady bunch teach Big Ben that no means no

   When you go down I go up, and I'm not talking about a seesaw either.

   Do I care if you hate me? Do you wanna know the truth? C'est la vie....adiós....good riddance....fuckyou!

   Wow, it works!!!!! Be right back, gonna try out my new time machine.....Let's see how this goes!!!!!

   wow, just heard on the news that all gulliable people that use facebook are going to be charged $17.95 a month to have their photos on facebook!!

   roses are red, violets are blue, as a matter of fact the best films are too!

   My girl asked me over and over and over to go to the store to get her some tampons. I got tired of heaqing it so I told her to put a sock in it.

   I don't always finish my sentences but when ido...

   I swear I was just eating a bowl of cheerios and I saw Tim Tbow's face

   Martain Luther King Jr. Bday now Muhammad Ali Bday somebody gonna ready this and turn red with hate

   Do you believe in gosh?

   I never even saw what we were running from...... She finally stop to catch her breath, so I tried to asked her what we was running from?......She yelled and took off running again, so I did too.

   Cows are a bit like Jesus, the only difference is they turn grass into milk.