Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ___________is so far in the closet he is finding skeletons in Narnia.

   There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

   Just stuck Luke Skywalker in a dead Ton Ton.

   Global warming is like Goldilocks and the weather is like porridge.

   likes to sit in the pharmacy on my phone talking about how I have a contagious rash on 90% of my body and the Dr. can't find a medicine that works!

   BREAKING NEWS: After realizing just how invasive the TSA screeners have become, the White House has ordered that they will no longer be managed by Homeland Security. Instead, they've been given to the IRS.

   praying I don't get gravy on my nice clothes.

   I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

   trying to find the All-Spark before Megatron uses it to transform all of Earth's machines and destroy the planet to harvest the Energon source. Wish me and Sam luck...

   Oops! Something went wrong. We don't give two sh!ts if you waste the next hour trying to understand why you can't post anything You may be able to try again, whatever!

   now that she's gone, Hands back into my pants!

   thinking if they didnt Screw the fifth flame, the Olympic would be more interesting :D

   wondering why if you can flash back to the past, why can't you flash foward to pay day?

   changed the title of today from: Bill Paying Day to Check Writing Day. Yes, I am writing checks...but the bills are not necessarily gonna get paid. We'll see who posts them at the bank faster! Moooowahahahahaha

   I bet Curious George's owner is getting his azz pinched off today for St Patty's Day

   wonders who's bright idea it was to shut down facebook chat for maintenence -___-

   Sometimes, people get caught up in their own self pity/misery that they fail to see what they are doing to the people around who love them

   life is like a box of coco. Not a box of chocolate, a box of coco. Why? Everything comes in stupid make-it- yourself kits! >:(

   reminds you that the proper abbreviation for Sex and the City is SATC2, not Sex...Stop inviting me to go watch sex with you.

   Life was much simpler when Apple's and Blackberry's were just fruits.