Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just got some Justin Bieber underwear ..the front says you cry and the back says I cry..!!

   you can buy shoes, cloths, etc.. but you can't put a price tag on respect

   Would LOVEE a donut right now, and I'm not a cop.......?

   Traded my Mercedes for a Horse due to gas prices. The damn horse eats $18 worth of hay and hops per meal, not to mention the poop all over my garage!!!!!!!

   I someitmes wonder what magical things would've been created had we all put our creativity towards something other than making the internet laugh

   Had I known how difficult it was to get old people's smell out of a mattress, I never would've gone cougar hunting at the retirement home.

   If you think 4G is fast....try pissing her off :)

   At 24 Hour Fitness. Trying to get them to stay open an extra hour so I can really take things to the next level.

   I have come to realize that the only reason I eat taco bell is so I can light my own cigarette with my butthole.

   These Nigerian conmen would actually more victims if they worked on their spelling a little.

   Bored? Call a strange number and tell whoever answers "I'm not paying you to talk!"

   And speaking of my EX,, " Divorce is Strong with this one." >> Darth Vader, Marriage counselor..

   if a cannibal eats a vegetarian does that count as a full course meal?

   I wrote a book called "How to Pick up Girls." Page 1 says: "Maybe buy a motorcycle? I dunno?" The rest is just pictures of people shrugging. (

   "Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7) So, why have my wild oats become prunes and bran flakes?

   Other Names kicked around before settling on Great White: 1. Fabulous White 2. Hella White 3. Jumbo White 4. Big Ass White 5. Superb White

   If there's a problem that can't be solved with a freestyle rap battle...Then I want no part of it.

   climbed a tree yesterday and fell... I've finally matured!

   We alll have that one friend that just listens when you need to vent.. Lucky for me it happens to be my girlfriend :)

   Amazing, if you type the word that is your password facebook will turn it into asterisks. It works believe me... my pw is: *******