Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   That embarrassing moment when you shoot a three pointer at a dustbin and miss.

   I saw a guy ran out of gas, but he got some J's on.....Nows thats good Marketing 101!!!

   dear autocorrect...I actually did mean that I was "w*nki°g on the desk in my office" and not "working".

   If you got me an Ed Hardy shirt for Christmas, don't worry about a gift receipt...I'll get more X-mas joy out of burning it.

   You know your lazy when you would rather text some one from across the room instead walking over to talk.

   having his name changed ti zippidy do wap peddy pop

   Confuscius Say: "One cannot find what one is looking for with head up a$$."

   One positive thing about internet dating: you're guaranteed to click with whoever you meet.

   "It is better to have been on penici!!in, than to have never loved at all."

   Never respond to everything a fool may say about you.. it makes you look as fool as them! However, ignore them and the fool will go away... it makes you happy and they be upset

   My room isn't dirty, I just have everything on display like a museum.

   In light of inflation....... the rapper "Fifty-Cent" has now changed his name to "Buck Fifty"

   I wonder if girls at the University of Alabama call their periods the "Crimson Tide"

   I shared the status of the power ball winner. I won!!!!! Nothing....

   Let me stop you right there. You just made me think of a status.

   If you see a grown man swinging in a playground by himself you know you're about to die.

   Scream "I am worthy" until the stars collapse upon your brilliance.

   "As you get closer to the primary's reality has a way of intruding!" President Obama.

   Never purchase the trial size version of Colgate toothpaste and leave it on the bathroom counter next to your CVS Hemorroidal Cooling Gel. You may feel refreshed down below, but your breath smells like sh*t.

   I bet Jesus hates it that his birthday and Christmas are on the same day.