Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some say motivation doesn't last, but so is bathing. That is why I recommend it daily.

   may not be suitable for young adults

   For my new year's resolution I will think of a password other than “password”

   was let out today from the men in white coats man what the hell were they thinking

   thankful for friends whom willingly travel to the ends of the earth to search for the plot that he/she managed to lose; and yet be gracious enough not to cast judgement on its condition when they find it.

   This is a mean,cruel world & I want my nappy & medications right now!

   Gentleman is a man who can play accordeon but doesnt.

   I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.

   I have renamed the Victoria's Secret Wonder Bra to the Victoria's Secret Wendy's Bra, because I know when it's real.

   does not like taking surveys. Do you A) Agree B) Somewhat Agree C) Not Agree

   One of the best situations in life is to be in a peer group where one person has a grudge against you, but everyone else really likes you.

   I changed my profile pic to the kids from south park, since it's for the children. Seems appropriate right?

   Why put G20 in heaviest populated city in Canada? It's not like we don't have room anywhere else in the second largest country in the world....

   dont you hate it when your frank stick sticks to your beans?

   Im 100% sure peter pan was an alcoholic

   convinced "The Shake Weight" was invented by a man, so as to give the rest of us guys something fun to watch on TV.

   Beauty is common... significance is rare

   sometimes feels like a booger on the dashboard of life

   the more reasons you hvae for achieving your goal,the more determined you will become

   he who sleeps on the floor will never fall off the bed