Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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After taking LSD last night I hallucinated that I was a very well educated giant. And they say taking drugs doesn't make you big or clever. 
Nothing wrong with borrowing a girl's virginity, you just kiss her on the forehead after and she gets it back.
No no I like you, just not you can touch my phone like you.
I respect every woman's decision to undergo plastic surgery to go from being ugly to being ugly and disgusting.
If you're always gossiping and lying, you're a power seeker.
Since the day b4 Thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the yr & it's called "black Friday" & the day b4 Thanksgiving is the biggest bar nite of the yr I'm declaring it "black out Wednesday"
ladies, don't fall for all those Sears commercials. We don't want that s hit...
Sometimes the best people to spill your heart to are total strangers. I love you guys.
Why is it that I'm a normal, calm, predictable person until I get a pair of secateurs in my hand and I turn into a crazed plant killing maniac?
kristen stewart apparently cheated on robert pattinson....perhaps she needs a bit LESS "sssparkle" and bit more FIREWORKS...this one will prolly drive him right outta the closet...
You call it Russian Roulette, I call it waking up on Monday.
"Bae" = The most annoying word known to man created by some ratchet female that was too lazy to say the whole word "Babe"
there is no better way to follow everyone in the world then here!!:) also I can save the money I spend on the van and candy!
My most endearing quality would have to be knowing all the lyrics to Smash Mouth's "All Star"
When I said that you are like a stream of bat pi$$, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is darkness.
"You love to laugh?? Wow, how unique!" said no one, ever...
I always carry a knife. Because I believe in cutting-edge technology.
Democracy comes from the word demos, meaning mob a mob in the street is a demos. Ocracy means rule,ur welcome
I can't take a 5 hour energy. It'd either eff up my nap or my bedtime…
OH Muh GAH....that d@mn commercial has got me in it's clutches!! I go around singing "I GOT 2 TICKETS TO PARADISE....." 