Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Has Mexico paid for the wall yet?

   I still think soccer sucks as bad as ballet.

   Three reasons I'm not a biker. 1) I have teeth. 2) I shower. 3) See reasons 1 & 2.

   LIKE if you found ½ : ¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼½¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼ ¼Â¼Â¼Â¼Â¼Â¼Â¼Â¼Â¼Â¼Â¼Â¼Â¼Â¼

   Glen died on walking dead tonight guys

   Now all the lil boys can sleep easy ( no more nightmares about being kidnapped and flown to neverland)

   "Hey guys, its a beautiful day out, lets go talk on the motel balconey." MLK

   "wonders, ""Is there a mirror in your pants, cause I see myself in them."" "

   I don't feel sorry for fat people. No one woke up one day fat. It takes a lot of being lazy and plenty of nothing to do.

   Men are the best cooks. Because with two eggs, one sausage and a little bit of milk, he can fill a girl's tummy for nine months.

   lovin' it

   Now we finally know what Obama was hiding on his birth certificate. Under favorite band, it says: "Nickleback."

   Soccer: 90 minutes of no strategy, no intrigue, and no scoring.

   Drinks only on days that start with "T".. Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Tonday, Tunday, Tednesday and Taturday.

   Ever get a friend request and you're like "Nah, you look like you steal copper."?

   Accidentally spilled some rice on my iPhone, so am now going to have to leave it submerged in water overnight.

   If you think your microwave collecting data and the TV spying on you is bad enough… The vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

   This is the greatest prank Ellen Degeneres has ever played on Matt Lauer

   Trump spent ten minutes complaining about Pearl Harbour until an aide pulled him aside to explain that China and Japan were two different countries.

   Self-Checkout should include an employee discount.