Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I saw something that reminded me of you...but don't worry, I flushed the toilet and washed my hands.

   Probably the worst time to be an Arab is when you get caught with a bomb in your backpack at the airport.

   Man get of the couch and do something with your life. Christ even eggs get laid!

   NOT ONE of the mannequins at Victoria Secret has an anatomically correct back passage.

   Now that I am bald now and I know where dandruff on my shoes are coming from

   hacking Santa's NAUGHTYand NICE list!!!!! x-mas is going to be the bomb!!

   Welcome to the SATs - your score today may determine which College Loan you'll be paying well into your 40s. Let's begin.

   If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong…

   if men had periods, would they brag about the size of their tampons?

   Even ugly babies are still kinda cute.

   Paddy goes on a 1st aid course, the instructor asks him what would you do if your child swallowed the front door key? Paddy said i'd climb through the window.

   I never figured "HECK" is a combination of Hell and Fcuuk.

   I am surprised nobody has thought of inventing sleeping pills for toddlers.

   a woman's mid section is called a waist because there's clearly room for 2 more breasts...

   Don't judge a book by its cover but you can judge a girl by the quality of her baby toe.

   Finally There is a solution to get rod off Timeline. Go to youtube search on How to remove timeline and click on the second link.

   Today my friend told that when she was younger she used to be so obsessed with tooth fairy that she used to rip out even healthy teeth. @oh it must of hurt heaps?- I asked her To what she replyed. Donno ask my lil bro

   Ha ha there's nobody here. I'm going to steal the internet and sell it on ebay! Oh wait....

   I wrote something about drugs and my mom "liked" it!

   relieved. He hasn't seen this many miners since Neverland closed.