Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Thx for the info Copernicus, but that crap ain't funny. You need to take it to the boring site.

   I wonder what Rob Ford is handing out for treats tonight....

   the only tatoos I would ever consider are quotation marks between my lips

   I am not shy, I am just not interested,

   Before comedy how did people know women and men were different

   Good Better Best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better. and your better best.

   365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling equals 1 light year

   You know you've reached adulthood when you pause sex when the dryer buzzes...

   "Superdelagates" might as well be available on Stubhub.

   You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Kanye West in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.

   just like the calendar says, I "SAT" around all day today

   When things get me down, I always take a deep breath and go to my safe place....Taco Bell.

   Raise you hand if you are in bed on your phone.....

   [dogs around campfire] *flashlight on face*,,,,,,,,, And when I came back without the ball it was in his hand the whole time

   You want to get the PERFECT body, it's easy... 😮 Walk up hill, a lot.. & only eat meat. 👍........ *Sponsored by Ed's hillwalking & meats Ltd

   Give the gift of life. Become an organ donor. Hot singles in your area will appreciate it.

   Ladies; there is a difference between being stingy/cheap and being broke.

   I'm glad that money you didn't know you had can survive the wash and dry cycle

   The bartender just brought me a glass of water....seriously? I didn't come to a bar to get sober!

   Yay. ..Mr.Plow is here! Won't have to eat another kid.