Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you had 4 kids and your wife was pregnant with your 5th, how would you announce it on the Internet? I am asking for a friend.

   Dont be afraid of change, its inevitable. Unless youre homeless. Then you might have to go around asking for it. By the way, I dont have any.

   It seems that table salt does the complete opposite of bath salt. It sure woke this dead ass bologna sammich up! If I could only get the tomato to stop chewing on my lip...

   Do "lol" goes before or after the sentence??? Everytime I read something funny, I quickly stop laughing out loud cuz I get frustrated

   ready to post something, anything on page 3000

   They have hookers at the Market now...brb I need some Cantaloupes

   Hey has anyone tried that bacon sunday at bk? Or was that just an awesome dream I had last night...

   so tired from working... I wouldn't even take a blow job...

   I'm going to some yard sales so I can point at people's crotches and say nice junk.

   Grumble,,grumble,,,,,, I'm just going to answer you in thrusting motions.

   If you rearrange Twitter Drama, you get Am Retard Twit.

   FB jackings just another fantasy by the annonymous

   A booty call for Star Trek nerd is a Ferengi with Benefits.

   there are more errors in this world series game than they are in the show 16 and pregnant

   "Rule #1 for surviving in Zombieland, CARDIO. When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first ones to go were the fatties. Poor fat bast-ards."

   I don't know understand what the big deal is about those Halloween movies. A plot that centers around the actor that played Austin Powers , Shrek and Wayne Cambpell going around killing people doesn't sound scary to me.

   why am I the only one on chat and everybody posting ever 2 minutes??

   its all fun and games till you get tape on your face.

   I know I am good,but I can be better!

   Well, New England Patriot, Aaron Hernandez, was thrown into jail this morning. Looks like he's going from a tight end position to a wide receiver.