Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Fun At The Office Tip: Eat an Easter egg on the Friday after Easter, then wait for the employees to start an office pool named, "What crawled up your a$$ and died?"

   Im offended by sexual terms. I think I'll post pictures on the internet of myself depicting a terr0rist group.

   I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin' Over You.

   hey guys, lets see some of your best, it's so hot jokes.

   * Reverend mother has been constipated for a week. The nuns tried home remedies without sussess. One nun said how about I go out to a bar. The other nuns ask how will that help ? She said if I go and come back drunk reverend mother will sh*t for sure.

   To the people who are offended by this song...Well...let me tell you.. The Lady is a Tramp song by Frank Sinatra was a song written about my mother! Now,if you got a problem with thiat Then....Obviously that means you must have slept with her..

   I think Prince was hallucinating when he wrote "When Doves Cry". Has anyone ever actually heard a dove cry?

   I'm an elephant Circumcisionist! The money's lousy...but the tips are huge!!

   you Americans have it SO WRONG ON YOUR AIRPLANES. I'm just saying!

   some babies are born premature but I was born very mature I just came out and I was like so what

   I lost my virginity when I was 15. It was smokin' hot until I bit her thigh and all the air leaked out.

   If your afraid to leave your teenage daughter home with your boyfriend then you may want to rethink ur relationship..

   I thought Super Bowl LI was a Pho Soup special at a Vietnamese restaurant.

   The percent of pre-marital sex within the animal world is rampant.

   I'm so old I forgot it was my birthday until I got the facebook reminder.

   yeah, a dab will do. or what ever fred flinstone said

   they say you swallow 7 spiders a year in your sleep but have you considered not sleeping under a pile of leaves in your back yard

   Don't Yuck someone else's Yum !

   Marriage tip #1 & #2: Sleeping on the couch with the dog isn't all that bad. It kind of reminds you of camping out.

   After a news briefing outside the white house. trump and president Macron walked away holding hands. What's up with that