Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   North Korea is shaking some big balls at the United States, though they're most likely photoshopped !

   feels a bit down today, because another great idea has been ruined...because of Hitler, children with ADD will have no where to go this summer.....Concentration Camp is closed until further notice....

   thinks it's cool we can celebrate the murder of our messiah with chocolate bunnies & marshamallow chicks.

   sells seashells by the seashore

   thinks a girls legs are her best friends.....but the best of friends must part!!!

   At McDonalds last night the dude gave me the wrong flavored McFlurry. I threw it back at him and screamed back, "You McF*CKED UP!"

   My girlfriend and I are going through a tough period...Its actually her first...

   i thought it was going to take us couple of days to beat libya! what happened? we should leave those arabic countries alone. we just cant beat them!

   I'm never eating a edible again. I watched an entire movie on mute and started crying because I thought I was deaf.

   rael, I will trade my Obama for your Netanyahu and I will even throw in Joe Biden if you want him........

   I just accidentally sat on my phone and it said it recognized my face and unlocked.

   I trust CNN about as far as I can throw MSNBC.

   you look so beautiful.......GOD THIS THING SUCKS AT SARCASM

   Gonna see my therapist tomorrow, want anything?

   To the lady who flipped me off when I honked at you, your phone probably isn’t on top of your car anymore!

   ..read this out loud ," I am we Todd did. I am sofa king we Todd did "

   Mary must've given some pretty good head for Joseph to buy into all THAT shi t.

   If I got a haircut and didn't post the selfie on social media, did I really get a haircut?

   Test driving a new Lexus, put a red bow on it & pulling into random people's driveways honking.

   Dorian just made landfall in Alabama and somehow made things better.