Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just had a train run over his feet, probably his own fault for wearing platforms.

   So what's the dating website for drunk, blonde, recent college graduates who do not want to find a job called?

   There was a decrease in attendence for Saturday's NASCAR event and a Tim McGraw concert. In related news, the 14th summer redneck games were held in Georgia.

   Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

   "When you see Kentucky's fans, you just wonder. You think how wonderful it would be to go to their school. You wish you could trade places for a day, just so you could experience that feeling." - UCLA player Kris Johnson

   Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room there?

   Wondering “if a milkshake brings all the boys to the yard” then “what brings all the girls to the yard?”…well whatever it is I'll have a glass of that!!!

   can't wait til Chad Johnson gets kicked off of Dancing with the Has-Beens so I don't have to read peoples' status updates about him...

   Seriously facebook? I can write on the wall but not colour it in? WHAT IS THIS???

   why am I so popular that all the facebook viruses come to me?????

   it's illegal to sleep in the nude in Minnesota. Like Really? What are the officer's gonna say if I answer the door clothed. "We had some Complaints..."

   GIRLS; Some of them want to use you.., some of them want to get used by you...

   guess there isn't anything to this Global warming, Gores now agree

   trying to figure out where deleted data off your mobile phone goes...?

   honestly......who bends over to pick a nickel up off the ground anymore.....

   writing his name on a steemed mirror,,,,,,

   Life is like an iPhone, it's only as fun as the apps you have downloaded!!!!

   wondering how Chad Ochocinco is celebrating his Cinco de May?

   After undergoing a sex change operation, a judge in Santa Monica granted Chaz Bono's petition to be recognized legally as a man. He celebrated by leaving the toilet seat up.

   whoever said "never regret" obviously never had taco bell