Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   playing a game of Hungry Hungry Typos.

   No education/common sense + a little success/money = Broke in a few years.

   Apparently Mubarak was trying to wait things out: " I will step down when the Cleveland Cavaliers win a game". I think he just realized he doesn't have all year to wait...

   I want my angel of the morning to be naughty in evenings.

   here's something for a friend that can't stop coughing. Give 'em some laxitives. It won't cure their cold, but I can guarantee they won't cough anymore. It says you care and F*@K YOU at the same time...nice.

   ‎"What is home really?" ... Where you hide your most intimate secrets...like your panty wearing fetish! Well that's mine, but you get the idea.

   I'm not mooning you. I'm turning the other cheek.

   Sitting here eating a dozen wings thinking how badly I want to be a vegetarian.

   My brother says Andrew how can you be drinking already its not even 11am, well I said I changed the time on my laptop 2 hours ahead.

   Chaz Bono to be on Dancing with the stars: Babe, It's not you babe.

   Having sex with someone who doesn't love you is like having sex with a cactus; it will leave you hurt and devastated.

   thinking...the only one who wants Snow right now is Charlie Sheen...I happen to have a whole driveway full....Winning!!!"

   I really wanna buy a "Winning" T-Shirt.

   You know the feeling when you're tired but you have better things to do than go to bed? I have it all the time.

   whys everyone so excited about opening day? I thought walgreens in town didnt open until tomorrow

   If there was some kind of memory disease, I would be on stage 10

   afraid to go to work, my couch seems to be suffering from separation anxiety!

   There should be some kind of a law against guys putting their girlfriend's photos on their profile pic. I am tired of sending friends request based on profile pics only to be confronted by a dude.

   just realized after a session of je...ummm...I mean after cleaning and then wiping the sweat off while catching my breath, that one forearm is quite bigger than the other one. I wonder if that is hereditary.

   Is global warming real or are the hot headed scientist to close to the thermometer.