Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Went to see the Hunger Games thinking it was a free-style attack all you can eat buffet. It was a movie. Very disappointed.

   Tiger Woods's win last weekend is a great reminder that sex addiction only affects your golf game for 923 days.

   I'm so blessed that I'm not the type of person who says "I'm so blessed."

   fool me once shame on you..fool me twice Go F**K yourself!

   I just found out that I hit the $640 million Mega Millions jackpot, but my Dog swallowed the ticket.

   All I'm saying is if steroids are illegal for athletes, then Photoshop should be illegal for all of these Twitter & Facebook ho's.

   Long skirts carry dust; short skirts carry away souls. ~ Old Proverb

   David Lee Roth is apparently an old man now, yelling that the air conditioning was too cold in the arena last night, salsa dancing, jazz hands, total cornball.

   It's a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

   With "Slim T's" t-shirts Man has finally perfected the Wifebeater-girdle.

   Girls if you are looking for your superman.. go read a comic

   9 out of 10 doctors agree that the 10th doctor doesn't know what he's talking about.

   I Dared my sister to go in to the mens washroom today..but she did not have the Balls ..

   Jiffy Pop Time!!! As much fun to make as it is to eat....oh crap, wait...what yr is it?? How long have I been asleep

   Boy, pregnant women don't like to be called "b!tches" at ALL!

   You should Go Ahead and live life with regrets because the more bad decisions you make tonight the better your Facebook Posts will be tomorrow!

   Del Taco, macho size. Because sometimes you just need 6 pounds of fries in a bucket.

   Want to know if you're in the wrong relationship? If you were reading this hoping I really had the answer, it's over.

   I opened up a bottle of coke and it said, "Sorry, you didn't win". I didn't even know I was playing, yet I was still disappointed.

   I bet in hell you have to sleep in a hot bedroom with a pillow that never has a cool side.