Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You may be on Team Edward, however, I am on team Woden Stake, no hold still while I drive this through your heart

   enjoying the peace and quiet... the voices in my head aren't speaking to me at the moment!

   It's a dog-eat-dog world out there...don't get caught wearing 'milk-bone' underwear!

   I don't mind running into debt. It's running into my creditors that's embarrassing.

   ok...who watches Jeremy Kyle to make themselves feel better about thier own screwed up life?

   My therapist once told me, "Sarah, no one is taking advantage of you." Feeling a bit better I asked how much was the co-pay. He said "I don't know how much do you got?"

   and XX are now friends via the 'People You May Know Who Are a Tool' tool.

   Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

   I'm scouring the periodic table for the element of surprise. I'm more anxious than the AZ Governor in a Cinco de Mayo parade.

   lets just melt the ice... that will stop the smoke and i'll be on the plane again!!!

   Egotism - usually just a case of mistaken non-entity.

   A lie is just a great story somebody ruined with the truth.

   Yes I'm going old and yes I'm going bold, I know because it's taking longer and longer for me to wash my face in the morning!

   When making your point, length times width times height speaks volumes.

   new twinkie diet???? I been on that one since I was 5 yrs old!

   hopes Prince Harry doesn't wear one of his special party costumes to his brother's nuptuals.

   If only dumb people were smart enough to know how dumb smart people were they wouldn't feel so stupid.

   A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering all over the place.

   Before you repent, make sure you have sinned

   told his secretary this morning that her vocabulary was abominable to which she responded by asking me to keep her stocmach out of the question!