Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Santa is like a repair man, says he will be there between 12 and 4 and shows up at 5. What a jerk

   Back in the day 8 bullets couldn't kill a brotha ... Now it takes 16... #thanks50cents

   I was raised Catholic, so yeah I'm familiar with being molested

   " Women are like belts; If it's not tight enough, move it to another hole. "From a hygiene illiterate!

   I was gonna vote. But the I got high.

   Anyone who believes that Trumpers think Donald Trump created the vaccine but won't take it because it's poisonous obviously has the greatly diminished mental capacity of Dementia Joe

   to read directions to cook ramen noodles.

   feeling a little under the weather...I wonder if there is anything on TV tomorrow if I have to miss work

   I guess it's time to find someone to grow old and miserable with.

   If you want to see the real Hunger Games go to Ethiopia and put a steak at the end of an obstacle course.

   My god you'd think a ship sank about 100 years ago or something.

   Am I the only way that amuses myself completely by barking at my dogs thru the paper towel tube?

   The average life expectancy of a reindeer is 8-10 years. I think it's probably safe to quit singing about Rudolph.

   If it's true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that's fat, ugly and stupid.

   Kids don't like meatloaf…but add some candles kids love meat cake….

   The other day I seen this written over a public urinal; "Don't be looking on the wall for something funny because the joke's in your hands!"

   WTF.! is 'Snow' saying in the song 'Informer'.

   I thought that the show title 'World's Dumbest' on TruTV was referring to its featured failing comedians.

   4 outta 5 cannibals agree that vegetarians taste better..

   You take "the" out of psychotherapist.