KOC Funny Status Messages

   I've just been dumped by my girlfriend. She found me creepy because I have a nickname for my penis. Guess now that I'm single again, I'll have to take Matters into my own hands.

   I saw the most intelligent piece of graffiti ever today.I was dropping a batch in a public toilet when I saw something written in very small writing at the bottom of the door. As I leaned over to see it closer it read..."You are now s***ting at a 45°

   A$$ ICONS: (_!_) - Regular A$$ ; (__!__) - Fat A$$ ; ( ! ) - Tight A$$ ; (_*_) - Sore A$$ ; (_o_) - Well used A$$ ; (_e=mc²_) - Smart A$$ !!!!! :D

   Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong socks before I went for a walk.

   OMG!! I Just failed my theory test. Apparently female drivers aren't a hazard.

   Whenever I worry that I've been wasting my life, I cheer myself up by remembering that I have never read a Twilight book.

   Stephen Hawking says there is no God. I guess that A-Hole has never eaten at the Cheesecake Factory

   What do you call a big group of lesbians? The Munch Bunch.

   I've been given two weeks to live. The wife's gone away for a fortnight.

   Female driving instructors... The equivalent of a blind person teaching kids to read.