Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   my relationship status changed...now it shows I'm "in a relationship with Rocket Pocket"....look forward to pics....

   stronger than a bear, wiser than a fox, endowed like a stallion.

   those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter

   the concept of the movie avatar to "USA, the Pandora and the Obtanium Ore" is the same to "USA, Iraq and the Oil".

   better to have a "bottle in front of me" than a "frontal lobotomy"

   a snail without a shell naked or homeless?

   sharing his loneliness with a cup of Nescafé

   Don't you just hate how some ppl get all crazy over a movie???? Like they think there is real life vampires out there who just stay up all night watching you sleep

   Up-Up, Down-Down, Left-Right, Left-Right, B-A, START.

   Hukd on Fonics werked for me!

   Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you but the roses are wilting the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.

   My night and shining armor, ending up being a retard in tin foil;)

   Funniest thing I heard at lunch break today. The guy beside me says "Huh" I asked "What's up?" Pointing to the lid of his sugar-free apple sauce he says, "Sweetend with Splenda...that would explain the anal leakage."

   calling the Secretary of State to notify them he will no longer be carrying an ID; People should know who he is!

   Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

   My MIL takes the F out of MILF.

   When you say, “Jump!” I say, “Under which bus?”

   I don't care if it's rude to stare, you are hot, so I will stare.

   Breaking News: My family is kidnapped by Ninjas I need $4 for karate lessons.

   We already won, we already won, we get Lebron James, it's already done...NOT.