Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Wow Justin Bieber still well and alive... Only in US and God Bless America! In most of countries, guys like him don't get to make it to sweet 16...

   I woke up this morning and tried to look at the bright side, but it is too bright, I need my sunglasses.

   Dont you hate when a really fat guy wears a tight sweater and you can see the huge outline of his belly button. The diameter is large enough to fit a can of Pringles snugly in place.

   enrolled in nursery school..there were no naps, no crayons and no recess, just trees and plants..what a rip off

   I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

   I can only get sexually aroused if Ben Affleck is playing with animal crackers on my stomach.

   I Escaped from the island of Misfit people..

   put a fork in them I believe duke is done. GO BUCKS!

   Once upon a time a guy asked a beautiful girl "Will you marry me?" and the girl said "No", and the guy never heard nagging, he drank milk from the carton, kept his apartment AND his favorite pa

   One could make a reasonable argument that the tot is the best part of the tater.

   I can see you need a bikini wax from here.

   You can look at some people and instantly know they're only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.

   You know, phones have come a long way since the smoke signal.....

   .4 music videos, 3 photo tags, 2 pokin' friends & a girlfriend who won't stop creeping meeee.

   Hi My name is Miggz, I enjoy counting money and dancing when there is no music playing

   I'm convinced that everything bad that happens to me is because it's what the universe did for a Klondike bar... Well played universe!

   If you choose an answer to this question at random, what is the chance that you will be correct? A) 25% B) 50% C) 60% D) 25%

   I was good at studies tilll I took an arrow to the knee...now I get by with the physically handicapped quota

   Give the Haters what they came to see, a reflection of one self where they aim to be! Let the loser's worry about Losing!

   Loving me so much , I'm just going to "like" my own status .