Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it's a little ironic when a gay guy gets drafted to the Rams....im sure he does a lot of ramming

   Titanic be like: I nominate all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenege

   Remember when Trump fired the entire pandemic response team in 2018 because he hated Obama? Coronavirus remembers.

   If Windows 7 is my idea, why the heck do I have to pay for it?

   My invisible make believe deity can beat up your invisible make believe deity

   In my office there's a light switch that doesn't do anything... Every so often, I turn it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Stop that!"

   Two wrongs don't make a right, but two rights make a hate group.

   My wife told me " it would be nice if you loaded the dishwasher once in a while after we eat." So after dinner tonight I'm going to buy her a 5th of jack.

   wondering.. If Jesus really IS the answer, does that mean you can write =Jesus for every answer on a test ... ?

   Just once I want to see a highway raised by its loving biological parents.

   dividing by zero!

   getting sick of following his dreams, so he's gonna find out where they are going and catch up to them later.

   Blue Moon > New Moon...

   Go Fish is more fun to play if you add "yourself" to the end of saying it.

   Beer companies keep telling you to think when you drink, but they think is that when you drink you can still think. The truth is, when you drink you can't think. So before you drink, think-- then don't drink.

   used to play sports. Then I realised that you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything!

   I love Australia! It's the only place in the word you can call someone a "mate" without sounding sexual ;)

   I don't really know you , and I dont know how I added you to my facebook, but it says its your birthday today and to wish you happy birthday , so happy birthday mutha F@%$#&

   I almost landed a huge fish when my line snapped. It was a reel disappointment...

   Thank you dad for not pulling out!! (to be used on father's day)