Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Mariah named her newborn boy Moroccan Scott, after her fav Moroccan room in her NYC apartment. Her newborn daughter White Monroe, after Marilyn's white piano she owns. (Wtf?) And, I'm Italian Stallion. You figure out why.

   ya "playa" skillz is broke, just like ya wallet!!

   This really works, 1 hold your breath for one hour. 2 die

   I hope Eagles fans loaded up on batteries to throw at the hurricane, lol Philadelphia fans lol......

   Don't let Facebook fool you, we're NOT friends !

   girl its your booty..not your beauty!!!!

   Someone had their daily dose of Douche-Juice today!

   Todays suggestion...Someone just KILL terry jones,so more people dont die because of HIS stupidity. Like the GOVT hasent done it in the past,US citizen or not. Hell I'll do it,just give me the go ahead.

   Will it ever stop; Yo, I don't know, turned out the lights, and there's snow

   Due to time constraints, your regularly scheduled status has been postponed. Please check back later for further updates.

   grade school tupac valentine card: instead of takin the test cupid pumped two in my chest...be mine

   Chocolate is my drug of choice.

   Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.

   My mind has gone wandering. If you find it, please tell it to come home, and to bring cookies!

   The train in Spain crashes mainly going way too fast.

   Wanna get homeless people excercise and running?....Tell em "FREE SHOES"

   I believe the smoke coming out of that Vatican chimney while they decide on a pope is all of them smoking fatties til they can come to an agreement.

   Hugo Chavez...Hey hey my my, the evil dictator finally died..And once you're gone, you can't come back, your so welcome to satan's act!

   Domestic terrorism is when my cleaning lady whacks me upside the head with a broom.

   Don't think of it as him cheating on you. Think of it as him making a new friend and their privates were just shaking hands.