Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Its so cold, Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick

   Insomnia is like Viagra; It can keep you up all night.

   guys are like dogs, put them on a leash and they'll be chassin every puss in sight!

   the letter after W and the letter before Y...duh?! :)

   Google Uranus

   noticed on the news earlier that the Popemobile has got a very distinctive personal number plate: 1 H4V3 M4DD13. No idea what that's all about.

   meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice but falling in love with you I had no control over

   If breakfast is the most important meal of the day then why do people eat it in their underware?

   golf helps him maintain his higher math skills.

   I'm in a quite room with a bubble in my tummy.......... I wonder if the bubble is shy and quite or loud and ghetto.........stay tuned to find out!!!

   This program contains graphic material! Jergens and Kleenex optional!

   if at first you don't succeed, what makes you think doing it again with make any difference?

   I be the same people that brag about how nice and warm it is where they are right now are the same people that were spoiled brats when they were kids.

   ....if you watch too much TV and become fat as a result, does that make you a TeleTubby?

   scouring youtube for the naked videos that somehow make it through.

   FB is soo useful always reminds you of birthdays and anniversaries, Never forget your wifes birthday...

   at a BP gas station pumping gas.. somebody got to support SMALL businesses!

   its very sad Adriana Xenides has died and I'm not even going to make a joke about it. That would be in_p_o_ri_te

   Blind people must get stuck in bad relationships because they can't see other people.

   Rest in Peace Jimmy Dean. . . Your sausage will never be the same... ( I am not sure I like the sounds of this post after typing it ) Admit it.. You ALL LOVE HIS SAUSAGE!