Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Gas prices = robbery without a gun!

   getting ready to give her sheets some ass & her pillow some head ...good night everybody

   thinking about opening a line of internet cafes on Indian Reservations. I think I will call them.. "The H T Teepee" :)

   If your happy and you know it share your meds, if your happy........

   Bad News: On a test run last night, Santa was sucked into the engine of a Russian military jet & turned into red mist.

   If it wasn't for diarrhea,,, I'd have no rhea at all...

   I want Jimmy Neutron's Brain, Phineas & Ferb's Summer, and Timmy Turner's Goldfish

   Anorexia is nothing to laugh about its extremely tasteless and most people don't have the stomach for it.

   I go to the club and get guys trashed so I can take their girlfriends home.

   southern people are poor and resourceful, ghetto people are poor and rob you

   Wow... My boyfriend deleted me off Facebook last night.. I was single and didnt even know it!

   Like if you have tried to have S*x with Siri...

   Fell asleep after lunch today and had a bad dream. I hate daymares.

   FYI,, All I did from 1988-1994,,,, was try to get the shards of Cap'n Crunch out off the roof of my mouth

   Alcohol does NOT make you fat, it makes you LEAN...against tables, chairs and walls...

   Happy Hoildays Schmolidays. Merry Christmas Schmistmas. I lean towards the Christmas greeting, but I gotta be honest with myself. I don't care. I'm mainly in it for the food.

   If the lion wasn't a coward and the Scarecrow had a brain, they would have warned the Tinman that he was better off without a heart.

   Apparently even the word n ipple is flagged on h ere.

   Reality Show Idea: A funeral home where the casket is turned into a mechanical bull.. Whoever rides it the longest gets the person's belongings.

   World: Hey check out this sport we made called football. America: *sips beer* Check out this other sport I just made called football.