Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Religion and guns don't kill people, humans do. Get rid of both and you have solved 75% of the problem.

   I Hate when people say '' Your Cool For Smoking '' , Wtf I'm Cool With Out Smoking

   What's the speed limit of sex? 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around.

   ok Ladies, time to start tenderizing the meat!

   Stabbin' it with my Steely knives, But I just. Can't. Kill. The. Beast.

   Can't believe a human being actually chooses to support Donald Trump. Leave that to animals.

   The Duck Dynasty guys better hope nobody tells PETA or the Gun Control lobby that they're gun living duck killers.

   George Bush is the only guy I know who has @#$%ed more than 300 million people at one time.

   Am I the only one that sees the irony in Obamacare rolling out and the government shut down happening on the same day??

   An old lady at my dad's grocery store was mad because the turkeys were small. She asked, "Do you think they'll get bigger right before Thanksgiving? " I said, "No mam." She goes, "Why?" I go, because they're dead."

   I just had dead pig and unborn chickens for breakfast!

   Dear Chocolate Covered Blueberries, Seriously where have you been all my life? I can see why your big sister Chocolate Covered Cherries has kept you secret all these years. Wow.

   What's worse than Greese on Oliva Newton John? Come on Eileen.

   Superman dies and Ben Affleck sucks as Batman

   Bowe Bergdahl’s father looks like that Duck Dynasty guy.

   *looks at packaging for Pillsbury Choc Chip Cookies... "May contain raw eggs"... *Rocky theme plays as I squeeze entire tube down my throat

   I hope Micheal Sam wins an ESPY for breakout female athlete of the year

   I better get some sleep. These spiders aren’t going to eat themselves.

   thinks she is FIT! And yes, she is definitely unpretentious!

   late but I am the latest