Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Life is the school Love is the lesson and sex the homework. so don't forget to do the homework tonight

   Life is long and rough, S*ck my life!

   Whatever happened to the honesty box?

   Greatest fear in life…. Someone will find a way to retrieve everything I've ever googled.

   why do you keep talking to me? what part of "I don't care" do you not understand?!

   Because of KIAs recent recalls, the Raphamsters change their tune frm, "You can can with THis or you can with that" to "You can recall This, or you can recall That"

   We are living in a age where losing our mobile phone is more hurtful than the break up!

   When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

   I'm the first one to admit when I'm I'm wrong. I just never is.

   Somebody water board me with alcohol!!!

   If you lose a fight to a midget, you become one.

   You never realize you need toilet paper until it's too late.

   Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday.

   Well, personally I haven't met Mrs Right but I have met her evil twin, Mrs Always-Right.

   Find what you love and let it kill you.

   No Gramma, It's not the Oompah Loompah show, it's Jersey Shore.

   rode into town on my horse. not worth it, I had to pick up his poo with a snow shovel and a hefty bag.

   I have no idea, buy I'm craving Pi like crazy today!

   Beer is made from hops and barley. Hops and barley are whole grains. Therefore Beer is healthy. You're welcome

   You're as useless as pants on a hooker.