Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   naked in the shower. (You're welcome ladies.)

   I'm going to take my new laptop back to the shop today. I've just noticed that the I, O, X and H keys are upside down.

   Driving 32 miles to buy the same apples I could get 50% cheaper at the local grocery store 1 mile from my place is the reason why I absolutely love Autumn.

   We must learn to accept things. Such as Biden winning the presidency and the fact that it was a sham.

   Sarah Palin's new Christmas book is her attempt at valuing the sanctity Christmas so she can sell books and make money just like baby Jesus.

   When the mechanic said I 'blew a seal', I was afraid he referring about that summer I worked at Sea World but it turns out it's some car thing. 🤭

   Thank god the U.S. election is over......I almost forgot who Kim Kardashian West is !!

   Got a new puppy, due to an accident he has no legs, we named him Stay. He has only learned 1 trick.

   going to start a hospital and in my hospital when you are admitted you will be ask 2 simple questions. Do you go to church and do you believe in God? If you answer yes to both you are given a Referral to God Form and asked to leave property immediately

   Come on guys, lets be honest, gays only want to be married for tax breaks. They don't believe in God or anything Christian so that is the only reason. Don't lie to yourself or others.

   HOODTRANSLATIONS: "Where the hoez at?" = We wish to know the whereabouts about those with no morals to perform in rather raunchy activities

   admit it . . . you can't say "go on" without using a british accent . . .

   If I ever got the chance to name a Road, I'd call it 'Skin Road' Just so I could laugh at the people at number 4.

   Like if you remember the "yellow isle" at the local grocery store.

   Lil Wayne engaged, Wiz engaged, Snooki prego & engaged, damn everybody got a ring except Lebron!

   BALL SO HARD MUTHAFCKAS WANNA FINE ME." "Grandma, just pay the parking ticket..."

   Jimmy Fallon will last on the tonight show less than a fart in a picnic basket

   It's been so long since I've gone to church, I couldn't even tell you what year God wrote the bible.

   On the day before Thanksgiving, I am thankful for Small Pox....if not for that, my house wouldn't be where it is. (Too Soon?)

   I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays