Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hope Stanley doesn't get mad when the Bruins take his cup again.

   You Mexican people and your crazy customs, what does a sink full of mayonnaise have to do with independence?

   If they'd only let him keep his Tour de France titles, Neil Armstrong would still be with us today.

   HURRICANE Tip: Make certain to create a giant "X" with duct tape on all your windows to alert neighbors you are an idiot.....

   Jesus walked on water, but I staggered on alcohol

   Roses are red, your panties are moist. I'd take you to bed but I don't have a hoist.

   President Obama is going to let certain illegal immigrants stay in this country. But there is an age requirement. You have to be old enough to vote by November. Read more on Newsmax.com: The Best of Late Nite Jokes -- Newsmax.com Important: Do You Suppo

   Black is beautiful, tan is grand, but white is the color of the big boss man!

   The Steelers have enough Rings to become a Planet!!!

   Irony: People waving Confederate flags telling others, "get over it, you lost".

   According to a new study, millennials are waiting longer to have sex. Because, unlike my generation, they have to watch a 30-second ad first.

   If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

   The best time of day for a prostate exam is 6:30 because both hands are at the bottom.

   Just because you people don't have originality doesn't mean you have to hate on ours. Make your own status you freakin nazi's!

   i like the idea of shutting up but sorry that’s not for me-Gary K.

   How come when they kill a fetus during conception it's an abortion, but if it's a chicken, its an omelette....or scrambled eggs?

   How many cuckold convervatives does it take to stop a dictator? Answer: None. They would rather sit at home and jerk off to one..

   wishing God Almighty a happy birthday! They grow up so fast!

   If celebs die in 3's... I hope Sarah Jessica Parker goes next... shes a horse face and a false prophet. Oh and everyone dies at the end of Sex 2!

   If the animals are doing it, it must be the right thing - homo logic