Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sephora is my favorite place to fart.

   No matter who wins, they will likely be impeached and their vice president will take over

   every guy has got that one pair of socks with a hole and that big toe sticking out.

   I'll be at tomorrows inauguration. Don't folks, I'll bring back some real funny demi-crats status stuff.

   Mexican president Nieto threatens Trump.. Build the wall and we will launch bottle rockets at you!

   I've I heard people want to boycott Beauty and the Beast because there's a gay character in it. It's okay for a teenage girl to fall in love with a rabid, hairy dog, but you can't have a gay person in a movie?

   Jerry Sandusky was trending this month and I thought Trump made him the head of the Family and Youth Services Bureau.

   Melania and Kellyanne look like someone took two attractive models, and then smooshed their faces around until they didn't quite look right.

   Tom Brady woke up this morning and his deal with the debil has ended. His team is over, is wife is Rosie O'Donnell and he's developed an allergy to lobster.

   I wish they'd open bowling alleys back up. We trailer trash need something to do too, you know.

   23 million?.. To put that in perspective, if you laid them all end to end,,, you can just bury them easier.

   Nearly 7K people die every day in the US alone. If you aren't one of them, thank your God, STFU and keep grinding!

   If there are three ducks on a pond and you shoot one how many would be left on the pond? None. The other two would fly away after hearing the gun shot.

   What? WikiLeaks is endangering lives and is unamerican? Wow, you don't say? Gee, what a surprise.....

   My stock in Memorex and Maxell is going up again. Way to go White house staff !

   I asked my friends, "Are you Ok?" and they replied, "Yes, especially if you give us half of your money."

   Good day to be an uneducated Amazon worker!

   I told someone that Kansas was dead to me. His reply was 'did it drop another house on your sister'?

   After sitting here watching all these Olympic events and the athletes doing such extreme things... I have decided I need to get more extreme... so today I'm eating Hot Pockets right out of the microwave...

   Once upon a time a Prince asked a Princess to marry him. She said no. So the Prince got to buy trucks and boats, date big breasted girls, go hunting an