Fazzy Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I applied for a job at Bed Bath & Beyond. They put me in the Beyond department.
←Rate | 09-06-2020 16:30 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Betting on the Kentucky Derby is like paying for a hooker. You drop a load of cash on two minutes of excitement.
←Rate | 09-05-2020 08:46 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The biggest problem in society today is that there is an entire generation of younger people that have never been punched in the face.
←Rate | 09-02-2020 08:30 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been at a hotel in Tampa for a few days. I like playing tricks on the maid. You know that paper band that comes wrapped around the toilet seat? Before I leave, I put it back on. Yesterday, she left me a bowl o
←Rate | 09-01-2020 11:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being old is like being young. When ur young, you have to wait after you eat to go swimming. When you're old, you have to wait after you take Viagra to have sex. Either way, you have to wait an hour before you can go for a "dip."
←Rate | 08-28-2020 08:52 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon As we grow older, gravity becomes more and more evident. Things begin sagging, drooping and bouncing. It's still better than the alternative. No, I don't mean death. I mean f@t going up.
←Rate | 08-27-2020 08:31 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Attention! Due to the extremity of Hurricane Laura's sustained winds, the States of Texas and Louisiana have just issued a toupee' alert.
←Rate | 08-26-2020 23:04 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I first noticed you from across the room, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.
←Rate | 08-14-2020 06:15 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Due to all that's happened so far this year, I have no choice but to deduct 2 stars from my original TripAdvisor review of Earth.
←Rate | 08-13-2020 09:53 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon What if they're not stars, but instead holes poked in the top of the container so we can breathe?
←Rate | 08-13-2020 01:52 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm like Crisco in a can. White, round and filled with fat.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 15:55 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got a call from a guy who said that I should stock up on water, batteries, canned goods, candles and a generator. I said, "Done, thank you. I'm ready for Hurricane Isaias." He said, "No, this is your financial advisor."
←Rate | 08-01-2020 06:09 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon So in retrospect, in 2015, no one got the answer right to the question, "Where do you see yourself in 2020?"
←Rate | 07-30-2020 06:58 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dog is LAZY. Instead of chasing cars, he just lies on the front porch and writes down the license plate numbers. 🐶
←Rate | 07-27-2020 13:03 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I miss the 80's. (The temperatures, not the decade.)
←Rate | 07-23-2020 16:29 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Live life on your own terms. I certainly do. The terms were 0% down and a dollar a month in perpetuity. I'm only hoping I have some perp left in my tuity.
←Rate | 07-15-2020 12:44 by Fazzy Comments (1)  

   messageicon Mexico is reconsidering building the wall for the sole purpose of keeping out New Yorkers.
←Rate | 07-13-2020 07:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon No one ever boycotted my beans! - George W. Büsh
←Rate | 07-12-2020 17:27 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll tell you. White privilege didn't exist in the high school Phys. Ed. locker room when the bIack guys were around.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 14:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon 41 shot in NYC this weekend, 77 in Chicago, 24 in Atlanta. But it's ok... no need for the media to report it. There were no police officers involved.
←Rate | 07-07-2020 14:19 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

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