Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Once again I will Watching football this season the same way Colin Kaepernick does... sitting on my couch
←Rate | 09-09-2022 06:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For $250 an hour I will pose as a marriage counselor and tell your partner they are wrong about everythng.
←Rate | 09-09-2022 06:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I react to seeing a pizza the way most women react when they see a baby. It makes me want another one of my own.
←Rate | 09-09-2022 06:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everything I know about the Kardashians I learned against my will.
←Rate | 09-07-2022 15:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At my funeral, I want a group of Italian guys to walk up to my casket and say "We're gonna miss ya boss" so my family thinks I had something going on.
←Rate | 09-07-2022 15:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love Trump so much, I'm willing to make up anything in order to make Joe Biden look bad. Come back Trump, I can't live without you!!!
←Rate | 09-07-2022 11:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The "Inflation Reduction Act" is about to turn the Recession into a Depression, but at least the Prozac will be cheaper.
←Rate | 09-07-2022 09:29 by TimS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm going to take my paycheck to the bank. It's too small to go there by itself.
←Rate | 09-06-2022 17:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so happy college football is back. Where else can one enjoy such blatant one sidedness and win money on the outcome?
←Rate | 09-03-2022 11:11 by Zenith-Nadir Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dating is like trying on shoes. You think you found a good fit, but it begins to hurt after a little while.
←Rate | 09-03-2022 10:03 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon My belly is like jelly. I cut one and it's smelly.
←Rate | 09-02-2022 21:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What has red hair, big shoes and lives in a test tube? Bozo the Clone.
←Rate | 09-02-2022 09:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Corn. The food that both enters and exits intact.
←Rate | 09-01-2022 14:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies, do you prefer a man who may be physically imperfect but loves you unconditionally? Or do you want a guy who's nothing more than a trophy that is perched atop your fireplace?
←Rate | 09-01-2022 14:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’vr never met a closet EV driver
←Rate | 09-01-2022 12:22 by AnyMajorDude Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’d love to have a s*x change. Preferably from none to absolutely sh*tloads
←Rate | 08-31-2022 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last night a guy told me, "Often, bearers of false light destroy what they profess to enlighten," and I said "Don't get wise with me!"
←Rate | 08-30-2022 22:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Without a doubt, the cashew is my favorite nut that sounds like a sneeze.
←Rate | 08-29-2022 18:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kids are fun, but I prefer playing with the package they came in.
←Rate | 08-29-2022 11:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you wear a mask when you're driving alone, there's no need for you to put a Biden sticker on your vehicle. We already know.
←Rate | 08-28-2022 05:00 Comments (0)  

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