Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don’t worry if you had a bad day, please remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed.

   Summer is just around the corner. I can tell because the UPS guy asked me to put sun block on his legs.

   Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.

   If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the darn snake.

   I'd believe the asshole if he claimed his address was 6969 Bendover Ave.

   Here you go moron! 400 Oak Ave, St Charles, MO 63301

   Your home address. Not the address where you give out government assisted blow jobs. Poosy.

   You want my address? Here it is! 1781 Zumbehl Road St Charles Missouri!

   See? The shrinking violet with the challenge wussied out. (No surprise. The sack of pus hasn't been out of mommy's basement in years.)

   Nah I'm going to let you guys figure that out for yourselves since you all seem like smart people. I'll be waiting so come and get me pussies!

   PS. Saying it your face and doing it in person is the same thing, you redundant asshole.

   I'll gladly insult you to your face. Post your address pu$$y. (Watch... he won't. )

   Washing my wifes laundry! Does that count as making her panties wet.

   Hey moron! If you're going to insult me, next time say it to my face. And do it in person?

   When a word or action is overused and loses its impact or effectiveness, it's often referred to as 'semantic satiation.' Someone should inform the 👎idiot about this.

   Hey, Dooosh. Nice job copping my means of escaping the censors by using backwards text. Keep it up, you lame asshole.

   That Mexican Navy ship that crashed into the Brooklyn Bridge? That's what they get for shorting me a Soft Taco Supreme that time at Taco Bell.

   !ffo ssip dna rovaf a lla su oD: ereh no elpoep eht flah morf uoy rof egassem a tog I ,stnemmoc tnarongi gnikam dna ereh no gnimoc speek ohw nosrep eht oT

   I got tazed in the zoo again for telling a group of kids that an angry giraffe is called a grrraffe.

   neurosurgeon: *removes Gary Koenig brain to blow on it and put it back in*