Kisstopher Funny Status Messages
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It's okay to laugh during sex, just don't point.
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My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don't know if I'm kidding or not.
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The older the Facebook post, the creepier your "like" becomes.
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If you don't want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
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I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
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Don't piss me off and then tell me to calm down. That's just like stabbing someone and then asking them not to bleed.
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Its amazing how many bad decisions can be justified or explained away by just saying, "I was drunk" or "I was in love"
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Studies show that your chances of getting murdered drop down significantly when you STFU and mind your own business.
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Dear Chicken I don't get why you r so popular 4 crossing the road ... Yours Sincerely The cow that jumped over the Möön
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I've tried everything to get to sleep. Well, except that thing where you shut off your phone and close your eyes, but let's not get crazy.
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Every girl wants to be the one that makes a player quit the game. But sometimes that's like being the zebra that wants to turn a lion into a vegetarian.
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I think all women who say, "All men are Jerks" mean to say, "All the men I chose to date are jerks" or put simply, "I am attracted to jerks"
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I love doggie style as much as the next guy, but sometimes she's just too pretty to do from behind.
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It's funny how some people think they can fool me when I ignore their calls and they call me with a private number 5 minutes later. You really think I am that stupid? I know it's YOU.
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Sometimes I look at what someone is wearing and I can't help but think, "did you give up on life?"
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Every guy has a soft sensitive side. It's called “I need to get laid and I'll say and do anything to make it happen”
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If someone tells you their horoscope says they're going to have a good day, it's your duty as a human being to punch them in the throat and prove them wrong.
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No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
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Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
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If you love someone, set them fee. If they don't come back, call them up later when you're drunk.
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