Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:38 Comments (4)  


   messageicon It’s Thursday… or as I like to call it, “Day 4 of the hostage situation.”
←Rate | 01-05-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every restaurant in the world is packed on mothers day but they want us to BBQ on fathers day.
←Rate | 05-31-2018 18:06 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm not buying a 2021 calendar until I see the trailer. Not gonna get me again
←Rate | 08-17-2020 16:33 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (1)  


   messageicon If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ME: welcome to my man cave. PROCTOLOGIST: please stop calling it that.
←Rate | 09-08-2020 09:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just spilled my protein shake all over myself and all I’m saying is a donut would never do this to me.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are petting a small dog in your lap, it is important to let everyone else in the zoom meeting know what you are doing with your hand.
←Rate | 01-11-2021 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Hulu, Disney, Apple, Netflix, Amazon, CBS, NBC, and everyone else trying to create a streaming service: we’re not going to pay for eight of these, work it out.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So how long before GoFundMe is our nation's leading health care provider?
←Rate | 07-11-2018 08:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
←Rate | 12-04-2017 12:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why is it that people who are the loudest about demanding respect are the ones who have done the least to earn it?
←Rate | 09-27-2017 07:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump 2024
←Rate | 02-28-2021 18:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Statistically, a gun is much less likely to be used in a crime than a Senator.
←Rate | 12-06-2017 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 06:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No, things are not getting worse. They are just getting more obvious.
←Rate | 07-19-2020 11:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 05:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a guy says "I'm Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
←Rate | 09-16-2017 22:22 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you were surprised by jeffrey Epstein's suicide, just imagine how surprised he was!
←Rate | 08-10-2019 21:56 Comments (0)  




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