Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5 of 6387
Oops, my bad. Thought I was dealing with an adult.
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01-19-2023 04:15
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(Overheard from the other room) 8yo: Can I have an ice cream sandwich? Grandma: Did you eat all your supper? 8yo: No. Grandma: Just one then. 😂
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01-23-2023 02:54
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Anyone: Do you sleep with a fan? Me: I’d say my wife mostly likes me, but “fan” is pushing it. 😁
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01-23-2023 03:01
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How come all the single ladies don’t need no man at all, but all the married men need two ladies, I’m confused.
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06-26-2022 00:14
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A word to the wise isn’t necessary, it’s the dumb ones that need the advice.
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07-23-2022 00:04
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The Supreme Court is like regular court, except it comes with sour cream and tomatoes.
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06-26-2022 08:27 by Danyul
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I would slap the crap out of you, but there would be nothing left.
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01-23-2023 03:51
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I like eating Nerds because I’m secretly hungry for aquarium gravel. Nerds takes the edge off.
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04-29-2022 00:46
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Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.
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01-09-2023 03:32
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I’m like an avocado, I’m only pleasant for a short period of time and it’s up to you to figure out when that is.
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01-10-2023 01:26
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A lot of people like BBQ ribs, but I make it look like an episode of the Walking Dead.
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06-07-2022 17:21
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Things are so bad, our leaders have admitted that UFOs exist and no one cares.
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06-11-2022 01:45
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Everyone agrees, when you censor the ones who don’t.
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06-21-2022 22:44
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Turned 40 today, and I can feel my idgaf powers growing and coursing through my veins.
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06-26-2022 00:15
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When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you’re telling the world you fear what he might say.
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01-08-2023 14:50
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Humans: Dear God, please let 2023 be a good one…. God: You guys are still alive?
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01-09-2023 03:18
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A dog and a cat are fighting about who is the favorite with humans. The dog says, “We are, because they named the canine tooth after us.” The cat smiles and says, “You are really not going to win this one.”
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01-09-2023 04:08
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I just saved over 25 thousand dollars on a car battery because my car runs on gas.
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01-19-2023 02:26
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Never trust a girl named Natasha. Because, Natasha spelled backwards is “ah Satan.”
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06-08-2022 01:36
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Death Row Guard: What would you like for your last meal? Condemned Woman: I don’t know, what do you want?
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06-08-2022 01:39
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