mike Funny Status Messages

   ATTENTION VEGETARIANS: If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat

   the most successful people are those who are good at plan B.

   Rubbing one out thinking about Wall-E and EVA in the throes of robo-love

   So, I read today that NASCAR is getting fuel injection.... I also learned that when they hit 88 mph the new cars travel through time back to 1985, when the rest of us had fuel injection.

   If your dog fits in your purse, send it back, it's a rat in a dog suit.

   You know it's resolution time when someone has to stop to rest on the way up the stairs TO the gym.....

   one good wish changing nothing, one good decision changes everything!

   Now is the time to get ready for 2010! Whatever your plans, write them out and map your way!

   there are no shortcuts to any place worth going...

   Ok, so now I have my coal in the pressure cooker....How long will this take?

   Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

   Anyone want to chip in and make a counteroffer to buy back Joe Lieberman?

   I have found that if you love life... life will love you back

   Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly... but put me down for a 5."

   What's the big deal with the 2 idiots that snuck in for a white house party for a couple hours? I can't turn on the news without seeing them. "W" pulled the same trick in 2000 and stayed for 8 years and he didn't get that kind of coverage!

   Horse racing is just like NASCAR only slower.....and with poop.

   No matter how little I do in a day....I always feel like I could have done less.

   gearing up for hot tub season!

   loves to go to Washington - if only to be near his money.

   100% positive that he isn't sure!