Mickey Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon The thing that disturbs me the most about social media,is when I see a woman from the high school days who didn't age very well, and I think to myself, "Man, I can't believe I zherked off to that."
←Rate | 12-17-2015 15:24 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gray Matter Matters
←Rate | 11-25-2015 13:46 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook Murphy's Law: Profile photo with two women. It's never the attractive one's timeline.
←Rate | 11-23-2015 15:19 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook allows me to reconnect with my old musician friends. I'm surprised at how many of them wound up living the American dream. They married women with steady incomes.
←Rate | 11-17-2015 12:47 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Of all days, who deletes someone on Mother's Day....just for that, I'm never talking to my mom again.
←Rate | 05-11-2014 09:50 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had lunch today with a woman. Okay, so the woman was on a TV show eating at the same time I was. Okay, so the woman was Berta from Two and a Half Men.
←Rate | 04-19-2014 16:31 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Auto correct did me in. I've been seeing a girl who perspires a little when we have s-e-x. Hot. I typed, "Hi, sweety", and it changed it ti, "Hi, sweaty." Now she won't take my calls.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 10:52 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never understand when people say that the Mona Lisa was Leonardo da Vinci's best work. He was pretty damned good in the Titanic if you ask me.
←Rate | 02-11-2014 09:09 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon My New Year's resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 05:28 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm taking my girl to a Psychologist/Gynecologist. Maybe he's the one who can finally help her understand why she's such a ¢unt.
←Rate | 01-09-2014 05:58 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Polar Vortex...nice term for cold air from Canada, media.... just watch,this summer, when the temps go into the 90's, they'll refer to a heat wave as a "Solar Vortex".
←Rate | 01-08-2014 07:22 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I drank too much over the holidays. I was at the doctor's yesterday and gave a urine sample. It had an olive in it.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 07:10 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jeopardy: The answer is: These are the combined result of a yeast infection and itchy S.T.D. beep beep..."What are crab cakes?"
←Rate | 01-03-2014 15:11 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't know how I didn't get pulled over by the cops last night. I was definitely driving under the influence of a good bl0wj0b.
←Rate | 01-01-2014 10:36 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm such a slacker. It's a brand new year, and I haven't accomplished one d*mn thing.
←Rate | 01-01-2014 08:31 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate Mondays more than a midget hates getting a Yo-Yo for Christmas.
←Rate | 07-08-2013 10:00 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's nothing that screams "originality' like a bar named Cheers.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 14:27 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
←Rate | 05-23-2013 10:47 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a baseball team named the Giants (San Francisco), a football team named the Giants (New York)...yet there's no basketball team named the Giants...when in fact, basketball players ARE GIANTS!
←Rate | 05-21-2013 10:42 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Indecent Proposal: Movie-1993 A billionaire offers a married couple a million dollars if he can spend one night with the wife. Indecent Proposal 2013: A billionaire offers me a million dollars if I can stay off facebook for one night.
←Rate | 05-16-2013 09:16 by mickey Comments (0)  

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