Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon One of the main differences between a nudist and streaker is speed.
←Rate | 09-13-2022 14:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know it's going to be a crappy day when it starts with sneezing while brushing your teeth.
←Rate | 09-13-2022 12:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Neighbor kid just told me he let a girl “borrow” his hoodie. Should I tell him now or let him learn?
←Rate | 09-13-2022 09:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do nudists have anxiety dreams where they show up to events clothed?
←Rate | 09-13-2022 05:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon had the person who invented the bicycle seat never actually experienced sitting down before
←Rate | 09-13-2022 05:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I pack underwear as if I plan to crap myself for 40 days and nights
←Rate | 09-13-2022 05:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I havent had sex in so long what if I forgot how to moan and instead I go : moooooo
←Rate | 09-13-2022 05:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Used to be able to touch my toes. Now I just have a sip of beverage and wave at them.
←Rate | 09-13-2022 05:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I ever get married, throw mozzarella cheese, not rice.
←Rate | 09-13-2022 05:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only running I do is to the microwave to catch the beep before the dog hears it go off
←Rate | 09-13-2022 05:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My son just let a girl “borrow” his hoodie. Should I tell him now or let him learn?
←Rate | 09-13-2022 05:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Damn. Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
←Rate | 09-12-2022 19:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saw a commercial that said, "Spend less time cleaning your toilet and have more time for the things you love to do." ... Yeah, like because I spend so much time cleaning my toilet that by the time I'm finished the whole day is over.
←Rate | 09-11-2022 16:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are we sure Queen Elizabeth's death was "natural causes" and not Reggie Jackson finishing what he started?
←Rate | 09-10-2022 23:15 by @svaldez187 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Couldn't you have told me that my password was incorrect BEFORE you made me select all the pictures that have motorcycles?
←Rate | 09-10-2022 11:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Without Trump in the White House, I don't think I'll have the will to live.
←Rate | 09-10-2022 02:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon CNN, CBS, ABC, MSNBC. Not a fan of any news outlets. That's why I get all my information from one channel, The Cartoon Network
←Rate | 09-09-2022 06:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just once I want a doctor to ask if I’ve been eating enough potatoes
←Rate | 09-09-2022 06:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon accidentally took one of my wife's One-A-Day Vitamins for Women this morning. I've been trying to get dressed for 4 hours but everything makes me look fat. And I think I forgot to unplug the curling iron.
←Rate | 09-09-2022 06:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Still trying to figure out what I did wrong to get targeted ads for pants with underwear sewn in.
←Rate | 09-09-2022 06:21 Comments (0)  

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